Banking Union, Yarn Cabal and More

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LOS SANTOS -- Elliot Holdings have made a new major investment in San Andreas over the last few weeks. Mr. Elliot has come to acquire the Union Depository (UD) located in Pillbox Hill at 17 Power Street. The primary objective of this acquisition is to increase security and decrease profits around the frequent heists.

In an interview with the Union Depository's Head of Security, Mr. Caleb Michaels, Stacey Leroux was able to uncover some information regarding this property. One of the main problems identified by Mr. Michaels, former Head of Security at the Blaine County Savings Bank, was the lack of "boots on the ground." While technologically the security systems at Pacific Standard, Fleeca and Maze banks have been impressive, there has always been a delay between when the vault is opened and when police services arrive on scene.

Michaels has opted for a "multi-layer" approach to ensure security at the Union Depository. He could not go into specifics. That being said, he assured Weazel News that the UD Security Forces were armed with 12-gauge shotguns and some even had Bullpup rifles. Michaels added, "If anyone tries to rob this bank, they deserve what's coming to them," and later, "They will be blasted on sight."

Mrs. Leroux was then taken on a guided tour of the building and in particular the vault. When asking about the dollar value of the vault at any given time, Michaels estimated between "one point four and one point nine million, typically."

Banks will be responsible for their own transfers between the Depository and their vaults. Michaels noted that the routes will be largely overseen by Maze Bank and their security detail to prevent any monetary thefts in transition.

Stacey Leroux, Weazel News


LOS SANTOS -- Under the direction of FBI Special Agent Derek Byrd the investigation into a massive drug network has come to a close. According to an FBI spokesperson, this investigation began six months ago and led to the arrest of former Officer Clif Manarello on grounds of corruption in late October. While the initial investigation into Manarello was conducted independently by Internal Affairs Inspector General John Panda, the FBI believed there was more to this tale of police corruption. The spokesperson was unable to identify any other individuals at this time. He was able to outline the structure and procedures of the cabal, as well as some minor details surrounding the arrests which occurred earlier this morning.

  • The Mountain: the head of the cabal. She was responsible for overseeing the trafficking of large quantities of methamphetamine (code named "dildos") and crack cocaine (code named "corn"). The position of "The Mountain" has been held by several individuals, most notably Mr. Ryan O'Neil, an elementary teacher in Los Santos who was murdered just over two decades ago. The new Mountain was a police officer and was arrested this morning.
  • The Cliff: the undersecretary of the Mountain. Not much effort went into this code name as it was the call sign of Officer Clif Manarello. He was arrested on 22 October.
  • The Papa John: the head of distribution. He would famously leave a slice of pizza to indicate dead drop locations to other cabal members. He was a police officer and was arrested this morning.
  • The Shepard/Black Sheep: the head of transportation. He would ensure the safe delivery of cargo between the barn and the lumberyard. He was a civilian and was arrested several days ago.
  • The Farmer: the head of production. He managed the production of "dildos" and "corn" at the Grey Barn. He was a police officer and was arrested this morning.
  • The Lumberjack: the head of processing. He managed the portions and packaging of the products. He was a police officer and was arrested this morning. The spokesperson explained that the origin of the "yarn" aspect of this cabal came from the Mountain herself. In a delirious state, she argued that the yarn controlled everything. That is "strung along her actions," or controlled her. While the spokesperson could not comment on this point, Weazel News is curious if this has any relation to "The Nerd's Rope".

Special Agent Byrd has confirmed that with the toppling of the Mountain and the arrest of her team that the Yarn Cabal has come to an end, thus concluding this investigation.

The LSPD has refused to comment on the breakthrough at this time, likely due to the sheer amount of officers who had infiltrated their ranks. Weazel News expects some form of reform within the police department in the coming days, likely through a new operating manual.

Thomas O'Neil, Weazel News


LOS SANTOS -- Not long after her interview at the Union Depository, Stacey Leroux heard a gurgling scream through the ventilation system at the bank. Leroux and Michaels were intercepted by the Mayor and her colleagues, informing us that Mr. Frank Murphy was stuck on the roof of the Union Depository building. Leroux found it imperative to find Mr. Murphy for the content alone.

Michaels and Leroux quickly returned to Weazel News to retrieve the Flying Weazel, Leroux' helicopter. After rescuing Murphy from the chimney, another helicopter appeared. They captured Mr Murphy and took off for the airport.

A complication arose between Murphy and Michaels at the LSIA, resulting in a standoff before emergency services arrived on scene. Neither party could comment on the situation.

Stacey Leroux, Weazel News

Legion Under Siege! Banks and Boats No Longer Afloat!

Infrastructure Boom!

LOS SANTOS -- The Governor of San Andres has recently announced the new construction budget we have all been waiting for. For Los Santos, we are getting the infrastructure upgrades we need to remain a competitive city. The state has announced a $1 billion budget for the city of Los Santos.

One of the largest projects the state is investing in is new parking garages across the city. We recently saw the completion of the San Andres Avenue Parking Lot and now it is time for a town-favourite, Legion Square Garage, to get a necessary facelift.

For months the parking lot has deteriorated due to the high volume of vehicular traffic every day. For months the parking lot has deteriorated due to the high volume of vehicular traffic every day. Mayor Laslold could not be reached for comment on the construction projects.

Crisis at the Pacific Standard Bank

For a long time, the Pacific Standard Bank was known for its questionable security detail. After losing tens of millions in theft over the last year, the Bank announced new security systems to combat the heist crisis. But, as expected, the burglars have outsmarted our city's finest bankers yet again!

In an interview with Captain Doby Lerone of the LSPD, we uncovered some information regarding the spike in armed robberies. Captain Lerone was present at the first heist since the increase in security.

As we suspected, organized criminals have found a way to override the bank's security system. Gone are the days of the small arduino, individuals are reported to have been using "hacking computers to access the bank's mainframe," reported Lerone.

The LSPD have apprehended at least one individual present at the initial heist, but it was costly for Los Santos' finest. Lerone regrets to inform the Weazel News audience that three officers died in the shootout yesterday. Lerone did not share the names of these officers as they are currently "contacting their loved ones to break the sad news to them."

Climate Change and Capsizing Moments in Los Santos

Pacific Ocean, off the coast of Los Santos -- Recent weather fluctuations have resulted in the sinking of several vessels in recent days. Survivors suggest the heavy smog surrounding the city clouded their vision as they entered port before a terrible storm turned them around, resulting in a hull breach.

Officials from the U.S. Coast Guard have asked curious citizens to stay away from the sunken vessels at this time. Sources for the Weazel News tell us there was rather valuable cargo onboard these ships prior to capsizing.

The U.S.C.G. is working closely with partners in the LSPD and SASP to recover the lost items. Unfortunately, there have also been increasing reports of sharks in the region. We would like to take this moment to mourn the loss of Tobias Turner, an investigator for the Weazel News, who did not make it back in one piece to gather that information.

In other news, local authorities tell us it is perfect weather to participate in the fair at the Del Perro Pier!

Stacey Leroux, Weazel News

Lethal Letters: Another one bites the dust! And Water!

LOS SANTOS -- A few days ago we received another letter from the mysterious killer looming over Los Santos. For the first time in this developing story, the murderer has sent two images of his victims. What is the message he is sending us?

Readers will notice the polarity of the victims: a man in a white suit drowned (pictured left), a man in a black suit laying in the desert (pictured right). Police have not told us whether or not there is any significance to how the bodies were photographed. As usual, the killer has attached a cryptic message to the photographs:

Oin yno xfv'kk ynng of zlozi rn ph Ula off klabn ufa xfv of rlylbn. uafr oin yfaoi l manoox jipon honnk hoavzovan ulkkh. uafr oin znyolk, l hvmmfao of oifhn py Skvn. P jpkk hkfjkx jipookn ljlx lo oin zfan fu oiph phklyg vyopk lkk oin zfaavmopfy svayh lyg ph zfyhvrng. unla yfo kfh hlyofh, xfva hlcpfa ilh laapcng. upanukx. oin gphoapzo loofaynx jphing of anklx oin ufkkfjpyb rnhhlbn... "gfsx p kfcn xfv xfv skvn ilpang jlydna"

Police have already broken this code and have translated it as the following:


Stay tuned for more updates on our developing story: LETHAL LETTERS.

Stacey Leroux, Weazel News

SMOG: Should we be concerned?

As most of the citizens of Los Santos may have noticed, there has been a heavy smog blanketing the city over the last few months. The question here is should you be concerned? Smog is a heavy dense area of pollution gathered in one area. Smog has been known to cause a variety of health issues. I spoke to Chief of Medicine Asher Forest to get more details on how bad the situation really is.

“We have seen an increase over the past few months of citizens with respiratory problems coming into the hospital in need of medical attention” - Asher Forest

Dr. Forest continued to tell me that smog can lead to serious illnesses such as emphysema, chronic bronchitis and an array of other illnesses even causing serious asthma attacks.

Those most at risk of respiratory illness are the elderly and children under 14 years of age, along with anyone who spends significant amounts of time outside in the city.

Local environmental biologist have also come forward and warned that smog also inhibits plant growth and can cause widespread damage to crops and forest. Los Santos smog has gotten so bad that it is actually being blown north into Sandy Shores and environmental officers in Paleto bay have also came forward with concern for the Paleto forest.

What really is the cause of all this smog though? Is it something specific within the city or several sources combined? One thing is for sure, this is definitely a crisis.

Chief of Medicine Asher Forest states “ To prevent respiratory illness, please wear a mask when outdoors, and if you are at greater risk please take the necessary precautions before you go out”.

What can you as a citizen do to help reduce smog? Conserve energy, try to limit the amount of time you spend driving. Walk more or even rent a bike from Barbara’s bike shop next to legion garage. Use less power, turn electronics off that you are no longer using. These are all the little things you can do to help.

Thallan Forest, Weazel News

Guntman Derby

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Los Santos -- Kaitlin and Lester Guntman held a demolition derby on Friday night! There was a total prize pool of $800,000. The winners from the first four rounds were as follows: Tommy Lande, Sean Cooper, Sk Legend, and Lefty Bojangles. enter image description here The winner of the grand finale between those four was Sk Legend. Kaitlin and Lester wants to thank every single person who came out. Kaitlin also hinted about an event next Saturday. She would not give up much details except "Better get a partner ready!" The event will be announced in the event section of the Discordia on Saturday or Sunday. Be on the lookout! enter image description here